My dear sweet lovable 4 year old son has been testing my patience lately. I know it's normal at this age. I am becoming quite concerned because I've NEVER EVER EVER dealt with this type of behavior with my daughter. She's 21 and still NEVER gives me problems. I've been spoiled. I've been DUPED into thinking all my kids would be ANGELS I suppose.
I know they're TWO totally different kids, different personalities and everything.
To make matters complicated, he is the SWEETEST boy ever. This is what TRIPS me out about this kid. He's so SWEET, so LOVING and so STUBBORN! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just getting very discouraged in my ability as a mom sometimes. I have resorted to just walking away from him. Like seriously, not even trying to deal with the falling out and his attitudes and his comebacks about every single frigging thing. If I say NO then he wants to know why. I tell him the reason and it's not good enough, he thinks of other ways to get his way.
I'm not a hard a**. I am very flexible, most days, we go with the flow, he knows what he can and cannot get away with. Something happened along the way, he has decided to say the heck with how we've been doing things, I'm going to shake things up around here! Let me test this woman. Should be fun, let's do it! Hee-Hee.
Yeah, hee-hee hell.
So, I've been tightening the reigns on his activities. I force the boy to take a rest during the day because he won't nap, so, I just enfore QUIET time where there's just STILL behavior. You can play quietly in your room, but, NONE of the running around and excitement. QUIET time for an hour at least.
I've also been wondering if he's doing too much, hey, I know we are always on the GO so, I try to limit that because maybe he's just over stimulated?
Taking stock on the food that he's eating. Making sure there are healthy food choices that won't trigger him to act a damn donkey, I don't know. What do I do?
Take tonight for instance.
Bedtime is 9pm. I don't WAVER. I don't NEGOTIATE this timeframe. He doesn't nap therefore he must be SHUT down or he will self destruct.
At 8pm, the routine begins.
Snack
Bath
Pajamas
Brush Teeth
Read Books
Good Night Kisses from the family
This usually takes about 30-40 minutes. I'm sure it could be shortened. But, for the most part it has been working. I think. Hell if I know half the time.
Well, tonight was the final frigging straw for me. I am going to up his bedtime to 8:30pm maybe he's just over tired?
After his bath, he announces that he's SOOOOOOOOOO hungry. I'm sooooooo hungry mommy. Well, I know that he's NOT hungry. He had a snack BEFORE his bath and there's NO way he's HUNGRY that fast.
NOPE. But, then I get worried what if he's REALLY hungry? It's bad enough that he's a picky eater, I would hate for him to go to bed hungry. He can't afford to lose any weight.
The whining and stalling begins. I walk him into the kitchen and tell him he can have some apple slices, OR crackers and cheese. He is adamant on rice krispy treats.
Look here little boy, I told you the choices. That's when he says:
This is not fair, I want rice krispy treats. I don't want apples or crackers and cheese.
That's when I told him the options have ended and his new option is going to bed.
I grabbed his hand and led him out of the kitchen and that's when he decided to fling out of my grip and fall to the floor.
STOP THE PRESSES! DID HE DO WHAT I THINK HE JUST DID?
I look at the clock, it's 9:15pm. What?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've been in here for 15 minutes negotiating with this kid?
OH HECK NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I pick him up, put him in the bed, give him a kiss, tell him I love him, cut off the lights and I walk out.
He SCREAMED bloody murder. Calling Daddy, Sister, Elmo, he probably called on Jesus.
Everyone in the house knows NOT to GO and rescue the boy if I am handling a situation with him.
Thankfully EVERYONE in this house supports the cause and will NOT undermine me.
Well..........after about 15 minutes of SCREAMING he became instantly QUIET.
I walked in his room and noticed he was PASSED out!
Looking all PEACEFUL and everything too.
I am failing. I have NO idea what I'm doing wrong.
My BIL says I should SPANK him.
Hey, I can't stand a sassy kid. Talking back to me? NOPE!!!!!! I will cause harm. That's why I don't spank him because I honestly think I might spank him and NEVER stop. Spanking kids are similar to adult tantrums.
You can't get your point across to your kid and since you're BIGGER, you hit them. Yeah, makes you feel superior I suppose. I'm serious. I am NOT against spanking, I just know that my tolerance level or ability to measure when to stop won't click in so, I choose to avoid the spanking if I possibly can.
I am NOT against spanking but, honestly what would a spanking solve? I'm serious. I just need some help because I'm going to lose it. Now.
He's 4.
I'm at a lost.
I'm truly not a perfect parent.
16 Please! click here to leave a comment!:
Reading your post, I wondered, "does my son live with Tanyetta?" My 3 y.o. has been behaving in a similar way recently and it's driving me pretty close to crazy. I have a feeling it has to do with him being the youngest. He's pretty manipulative and plays the "but I'm the baby" card on me all the time. Unfortunately, it works most of the time (he's so dang adorable!). But in the end, my weaknesses result in his poor behavior (and my older girls getting a bit resentful from all the extra attention he receives).
So, I don't have a solution my friend, but I'm with ya and will be working on how to make this better in the New Year.
Kinda rough, when you have a child that is "willful" and "head strong" like my son. Not saying the latter in a bad way, but that they have a strong personality and sense of independence. The teenage years with a son, in my opinion, can be the hardest, ever! Adult(s) and one-semi adult (teenager) trying to occupy the same living space but both got different ideas of how things should be done. Teenager boy thinks that the rules don't really apply to them. My son believed that ALL rules are negotiable, and definitely when it is in his favor. Boys are a different kind of "strategy" for a parent.
Who is a perfect parent?! Really. We all do what we think is best for our situation and according to our beliefs.
Hang in there!
you don't have to be a perfect parent. That's a myth. And for the record you're darn near close. Give yourself a break.
It's ok.
My only and best advice is, try to remain as consistent as you can at bedtime. Until he's a teen then that'll be out the window. :)
Enjoy your time as a Mum of a little one...
YOu are doing a really good job!
girl, you are not alone! my eldest is the SAME WAY. i JUST found this book: http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Perceptive/dp/0060923288
"Raising Your Spirited Child" and plan to read it cover to cover. My daughter isn't a bad kid. She's just...SPIRITED. And I'm convinced that since my current ways are not working (including spanking) that there must be a way that I can parent her better. i'll let you know if the book helps.
hang in there!
you did everythihng right! he is just 4. that's it. sounds like every other 4 year old i know. don't get discouraged.
No advice except to hang in there. My son has been pushing me since our trip to Disney. I've taken away privileges and will keep doing so until it sinks it that Mommy ain't playin'.
I love that you posted this because Joey is EXACTLY the same and I was beginning to worry that there was something wrong with him. I have no answers for you other than I am sure there is light at the end of the tunnel for both of us, even if it doesn`t seem like that right now. I think I suffer less because J is at nursery all day so they get the majority of his playing up (but as they say it is perfectly normal, I don`t worry too much!) but we are on holiday in oz at the moment and I am about ready to send him back to Japan to live with his Dad as he is driving me CRAZY!! ;-)
I agree that perfect parents are a myth, we all just have to do what we can and I am sure they will all turn out ok in the end because they have our love and cuddles! :-)
PS- HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Don't feel bad and don't worry about your parenting skills. Some kids just naturally test the boundaries. I used to think that girls were harder and then I thought boys were harder than I thought no... girls are harder, so long story short KIDS ARE HARD!! But they do increase your prayer life!!
There is no such thing as the perfect parent (except God) so just keep doing what you know to be right.
Sorry, I know this comment is not really helping your situation!
Happy New Year to you and yours. Be blessed!
My 4yr old girl is EXACTLY the same way. She is strong willed, argumentative & manipulative but we were able to break her (that sounds so harsh) of the fall out tantrums.
I know I'm kind of militant, but the only female who gets to have tantrums is me. Cara would snap crazy ith screaming and crying cause she couldn't have her way & fall out on the floor. We would snap her on her ear and leave her there (ignoring her). She eventually stopped realizing that was not getting our attention.
Cara is the same way with food too and will pull the same stunt. We have decided that we do not negotiate with our toddler anymore. You wanna eat...you get an "apple snack or cheese and crackers". She gets one "no" at her vehnement protest (I WANT COOKIES) and then its "you either eat what I offer or you go hungry. I won't give you another chance." Usually she walks away with lip poked out.
She still tries da hell outta me on a regular. There is no perfect solution. You are doing just fine.
Hang in there! I believe God only gives you what you can handle..... and apparantely tests us on a regular basis. I think all of us mothers feel this way alot of the times. Stick with your guns, and your son will see that no matter what, you won't budge. Good luck to you!
I'm glad those days are over for me. Truth be told, spanking my girls actually worked for me.
I honestly think kids just go through stages, and your son is just testing you to see how far he can go.
Sorry I don't have a solution, but you will work it out!
I'm not a mommy so I don't have any advice to offer. From what I read you are a great mommy and maybe its just a phase he's going through. Sending prayers your way.
I'm going to agree with BIL. He needs to be spanked. If you don't want to do that, I feel you shouldn't negotiate with him. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. From what the other mothers say, his behavior is normal. Probably his way of "trying" you. You know I don't know. Hell.
It's like you're in my head!
My daughter(15 now) was an angel also so I was completely unprepared for the devil-boy we have living in our midst now.
I was also in your shoes about 18 months ago, wondering if I was doing something to trigger my son's temper tantrums. All I can tell you is: it will pass. It's a phase. My son will be 6 next month. Yes, he is still stubborn and willful and Lord knows he tests me (I've just come to accept that that is his way), but over time I've noticed him getting better control of his temper and becoming a bit more patient...now the tantrums are gone.
It's not you, girl. Hang in there! Have a little of that wine from a few posts ago.
My daughter is 5 and VERY willful so I totally know what you are going through. I think you handled the situation excellently! You stuck to your word and let him scream it out. I guarantee the next time he decides to do that it will be shorter. My daughter is more of a screams like fingernails on a chalk board when she doesn't get her way. I am still working on it...who knows if it will ever get better starting to think it is just her personality instead of a stage. But the screaming I can't handle so she knows now that if I hear it I hand her a Clorox wipe and point at what she can start cleaning. Let me tell you my base boards are looking g-o-o-d ;)
Post a Comment