Unrealistic Expectations.

My son started a home based preschool in August 2008. The classes were 3 days a week, 3 hours a day. The rates were affordable and the school came highly recommended by trusted sources.

From day one until yesterday, my son CRIED and BEGGED me not to go to the school. He said, he didn't like the school. I thought it was because he just didn't want to go to school and wanted to stay home with me. He would always cry and ask to go to Learning with Tanyetta (the preschool I hosted at my house for him and the other playdate friends since last year)

I discussed my concerns with him and asked a few trusted sources to talk to him to see what the apprehension against this school stemmed from. He said he just didn't like it. The school was too long and there were too many projects.

I thought it was because he just didn't want to do the work and wanted to play all day.

Well, fast forward to this Monday when everything began to unfold.

My son told me on the way home,

Mommy, I had a fight with _____________.

I asked him to explain.

He said, he found a worm and his friend wanted the worm and asked for it. He told her no and she punched him. He said he punched her back.

I was very concerned listening to the story and made sure I got all the information then I called his little friend's mother. She said she would ask her daughter and called me back. She called me back and confirmed this fight did in fact occur.

We both asked the kids what the teacher said and here's where things a got a little WTF!

Me: Where was your teacher?
DJ: She wasn't there. She was in the house.
Me: What do you mean in the house, wasn't she right there when this happened?
DJ: No mommy. She never comes outside to play with us.

Well...this really concerned me. I talked to the other mom and her daughter confirmed that the teacher isn't outside when they're playing for recess.

This all happened on a Monday afternoon, I pondered on how to respond to this situation. My main concern was to handle it in a professional, calm and effective manner. I wanted to rip this woman's head off. Point blank. I'm paying you to NOT supervise my child? Ummm...I think not.

I spoke to my husband and daughter about it and they asked me what I wanted to do. I said I wanted to tell the teacher what DJ and the little told me about the fight and ask if she was aware of it. If she then confirms that she didn't know about it, I will ask her why. They said it sounds like I had a plan.

I was so proud of myself, I just knew that the conversation would go over well and the teacher would sympathize with my concerns and would supervise the children and monitor their movements closely.

Wellllllllllllllllllllll...........that would have been nice if it all went down this way. Needless to say, it didn't.

*sigh, sigh, sigh*

Me: DJ told me he had a fight with his little friend at school on Monday. Did you know about this?
Teacher: No. When did this happen?
Me: It happened on the play yard. They were fighting over a worm by punching each other. Did you witness this?
Teacher: No. I didn't.
Me: Where were you when this took place?
Teacher: I must have been in the house at the time or on the other side of the play yard. I'm not really sure.
Me: I'm really concerned this happened and you weren't aware of this.
Teacher; Well, were they hurt? It must not have been that serious since I didn't hear about or see it happen.
Me: It's very serious because punching could have led to something more serious and bruises or more could have happened.
Teacher: Leaning forward on the desk, crossing her arms with a sarcastic look on her face. Well, I only have TWO eyes and you tell me how I'm supposed to watch all 8 kids every single moment of the day?
Me: I am not here to tell you how you're supposed to do your job. It's YOUR responsibility to ensure all the children's safety on your watch. If this isn't attainable, please let me know.
Her: You have very UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS if you think me or any teacher can keep an eye on the children at all times of the day.

***PLEASE KNOW THAT I FOUGHT BACK THE URGE TO CUSS THIS WOMAN OUT. I COULDN'T BELIEVE I WAS HEARING THIS COME FROM THE SAME WOMAN WHO WAS ALL MISS MARY POPPINS AT REGISTRATION TIME. WOW, TALK ABOUT A WOLF IN A SHEEP'S CLOTHING***
Me: I didn't come here to have a tiff with you, I am going to discuss this further with you after class. You have a class to cover and I don't want to take from the day. I would greatly appreciate if you could keep a very close eye on the kids today. It would ease my mind. Thanks. I'll see you after class.

I went to the car and just sat there stunned by what just took place.

After class, I went in to speak to the teacher hoping to have a better civilized conversation.

Yeah, fat chance.

The teacher had a LIST of things my son did WRONG during class.
Yup, you read it correctly. She had a LIST.

Darrin LAYED<<---yes, people this teacher wrote LAYED. I had to stop reading.

I looked at her and told her that she was a piece of work and she was so way out of line with this list and I was very offended that she would respond to my concerns in this manner.

She said, well....not only did he do all of this but, here, look, I took some pictures of how he behaves during class.

Here's a photo of him putting his head down on the table when he was supposed to be doing one of his projects. Here's another photo of him throwing toys across the room.

I had to STOP her and explain to her I'm BEYOND upset over this. Today is his last day of school. I came to speak to you about some very valid concerns and instead of you being sensitive to my concerns, you've taken to respond in a very unprofessional manner. This is very unacceptable. She said, that's fine, you can take his stuff now. I have 3 children on the waiting list so this works out perfectly.

I stood there in disbelief in what was taking place. I took my son and left.

Why did the teacher call my house talking out she didn't appreciate me telling the other parents that she doesn't watch the kids.

Oh, I had to make sure I called her back to tell her that it's MY responsibility to tell them that the teacher that we pay good money to entrust our children's safety told me I had UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS of her.

I had to remind her of her words.

She only had TWO eyes. There's NO WAY she can keep an eye on all 8 kids at all times. It's just not possible. Those were YOUR words. What does that tell me? It tells me that you are NOT responsible enough to be trusted with the safety of my child or any children in your care. Was it wrong of me to tell the parents of my concerns? Of course not.

I told her look, you confirmed your disdain for my son by the way you handled this entire situation. You made a list of all the things he did WRONG in your class, you took photos of him misbehaving and made sure to single him out in front of his little friends in school today.

You never once mentioned any of this ill behavior until I came to you with very valid concerns about my son's safety. Instead of handling this in a professional and caring manner, you chose to respond in this very unprofessional manner. I can't accept that. On top of everything when I told you I was taking my son out of your school, you didn't even take time to say goodbye to him. Yeah, that was the last straw for me. No matter how you feel about me, my son was in your school for 3 months, I would think the last day with him, you would have at least said, a proper goodbye.

Well, you're supposed to give me a 2 week notice, I'm letting you off the hook.

Ok, look, I'm done dancing with you on this. Here's my final words on this........

Good luck in doing damage control. I would suggest you write a letter to the parents informing them that you only have TWO eyes and you can't watch them at all times. Let them know that if they expect you to ensure their children's safety, they also have UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS.

This conversation is OVER. I have NOTHING else to discuss with you. You've told and showed me everything I need to know on the type of teacher and the type of school you're running. I have no desire to have my son in your care a day longer.

Goodbye.

If the woman calls my house again, I am NOT going to promise that I will be nice to her. I can't stand when people don't want to take responsibility for the shit they created. Come on now. You're the teacher, You're the one being trusted with the safety of children. Have and show some respect. Being defensive is SO NOT COOL. EVER.

And all she's worrying about is me informing the other parents of what is the truth. Woman please. Stop.

Here's the advice I've received so far:


1. Call the licensing office to report lack of supervision on the school site.
2. Forget her. Your son is out of her care. Let the other parents find out the hard way on the type of person she is.
3. Request a refund for the remaining days you paid for in advance for this school.

I'm sure there's more. My head is so clouded right now.

All I wanted to happen from this was:

I wanted to discuss my concerns with the teacher and she would have shown sympathy to my concerns and clarified that she would closely monitor the children when they're on the play yard.

All she had to say was, I'm sorry this happened. I will make sure to keep an extra eye on the kids. Thanks for informing on the situation.

That's it.

I never expected her to respond in that manner.

Edited to add: I want to be very clear on my feelings about Teachers/Educators. This one situation doesn't change my complete respect for the roles and responsibilities of Teachers/Educators. This post is in no way to lump all teachers into one pile as to say ALL teachers would behave in this manner. I simply posted this to express what I experienced and hopefully gain some insight on what went wrong. I wholeheartedly feel every parent should be informed of the irresponsible position this teacher takes on ensuring their children's safety. If this happened to another parent, I honestly would hope they would come forward to inform me as well.

Geez, I'm so worn out from all of this. I've shed enough tears. Thank GOD my son is safe and away from that place. Good luck to the other children in her care. I can't, won't and will NEVER go back.